dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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