He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
