Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
