Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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