who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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