we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
