I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
