so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
