There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
