We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
