fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
