Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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