My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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