I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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