More tranny stories later!
My nipple is on Facebook.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
