You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
