u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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