The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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