hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
