OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think your dad took our porno
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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