Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
