It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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