exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
