everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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