he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
