This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
