Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
