Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
