Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
