So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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