did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
