I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
