wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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