In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
