We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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