I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
