Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
organizing the empties. That sober.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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