he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
