We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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