somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
