We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
