need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
