i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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