Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
