the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we made out on top of his cat.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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