She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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