Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
