I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
