Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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