Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
