hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
