Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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