Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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