Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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