I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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