then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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