i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
