Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
