I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
