Moan for me like Helen Keller
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
