Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
