I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and she was petting her beer can
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
